I still remember the worst sales call I ever made. More than just remember it, I react to the memory. I get a queasy
feeling in my stomach every time I think about it. It wasn’t just a bad sales call, it was a humiliating, embarrassing event. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
That’s the point. There is something about adversity that has the power to linger forever in our memories, shaping our character and molding our behavior for the rest of our life.
Adversity can take countless forms. It can be a gut-wrenching incident, like my worst sales call, or more poignantly, something like an auto accident or the loss of a loved one. I’ve had them all. Or, it can be a period of financial distress – yes, I’ve had that too, a couple of times. Or, it can be a time of
health problems, and relationship conflicts. Yep, you guessed it. I’ve lived through both of those situations as well.
Regardless, the Encarta Dictionary defines adversity this way:
1. misfortune – hardship and suffering
2. adverse happening – an extremely unfavorable experience or event
One of the things that these experiences have in common is their impact on us – they create an intense, negative emotional response. We become angry, embarrassed, humiliated, depressed, and hopeless. Adversity produces a grab-bag of bad feelings. It’s not fun. As I reflect on my personal
experiences, I have to acknowledge that the events mentioned above were some of the worst hours, days, and months of my life. I never want to go through any of them again.
But it is that intensity of emotional response that contains the seeds that can bloom into a sounder character if we respond appropriately. We’ve all heard the expression, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Sort of true, but not exactly. That common expression would be more accurate if we tacked on
the phrase, “if we let it.” The real truth is: “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger if we let it.”
“If we let it,” is the secret. There’s no guarantee that, by itself, without our active and appropriate response, adversity will make us stronger. I’ve met, and I’m sure you have too, many people who allowed adversity to turn them into bitter or defeated individuals. To them, life is a burden, the world
is a dangerous place, and they can’t do much about it. It’s easy, and tempting, to allow adversity to develop a “victim mentality” in us.
In order to prevent that from happening, in order to grow “stronger,” we must learn from those painful experiences. And, in learning, we create habits that emerge as character traits, and thus we become better and more capable people.
My humiliating sales call, for example, taught me a simple lesson that has stuck with me for decades and has flowered into a broader character trait. “Never speak badly about the competition” was the lesson. I like to think that “Respect for all my competitors” is the broader character trait. The
periods of financial hardship have developed empathy in me for those in similar circumstances and a very conservative financial perspective. The death of my daughter is somehow pushing up buds of greater patience, empathy, and tolerance in my character.
While I never want to go through any of these things again, I am probably a better person because of them — and because of my response to them.
Now, I understand that some of you are being doused with a fire hose of adversity. I wish I could make it go away. If only I could turn off the valve.
